The Beginning of the End

The Beginning of the End has now begun. It was marked by the departures of a fellow Fulbrighter and my British co-worker, who've both become such great friends of mine.

I'm quite in a limbo with all of this coming to an end.

It's all because of my conflict of emotions. I feel both excitement and dread about my pending homecoming. It's all because of two things: I have no good reason to stay in Spain, nor do I have a good reason to go home.

I'm going home. That's all settled. I have my flight arranged and there's already going to be a girl replacing me at work. So, the scale is already tipped towards the States because of previous arrangements. But, aside from technical things, I have nothing waiting for me at home, besides my friends and family. I admit, that is reason enough. But when summer ends and fall begins, when everyone goes back to what they have been doing while I was gone, I am positive that I will feel the urge to return to this city again. And vice versa, if I were to stay here, I would probably be incredibly homesick.

I suppose the basis of all this turmoil is my ultimate fear of not progressing. My constant resolution is to progress, and going back to my little suburban town inevitably means regression in my mind. I know that's a foolish thought. I just fear for my own motivation, wondering if it will take me to my next step. I have a tendency to go back to old habits and comforts at home, which hinder my proactive goals.

I still have time to think about all this, especially on my horrible plane ride home. In the meantime, all of my effort will go into not wasting a single moment here in the city.

I will end with a picture that was taken at the Beach in Conil, which was also our last trip together as a group this Fulbright year. It will also probably be the last time you will ever see me in a bathing suite.

How I love everyone I've met this year...